This is going to be a strange post – but that’s okay.
I’m up at 1 am. struggling to write in my CBT journal – I’m writing, but it’s hard enough that I want to run away. Again; I started my CBT entry a little earlier this evening, it got hard, and I actually did run away.
The CBT entry I’m talking about is my attempt to address my tension around work due for my Library Educators’ Course. I want to understand why I’m finding it so stressful. I’ve realised so far, that I feel stressed and frustrated when I struggle with written expression – when I have the ideas in my head, but I can’t find the right words – and when the subject matter itself brings up negative emotions – when it’s too close to home, when it’s about something I’m struggling with or don’t have closure over.
My instinctive reaction to procrastinate – to avoid the stressful situation. You can imagine the mess that ensues. (Sometime, avoidance itself actually heightens the stress). It’s frustrating as hell.
In the context of my L.E.C work, I’ve been thinking of the following possible aids. Not sure it’s helping, but it’s worth a shot:
- Identify what is causing me stress.
- Having identified the stress, try and write through it. Instead of fighting any negative emotions, acknowledge them. Take a deep breath (or two, or three), and write/think through them.
- If possible, break down the task at hand, and tackle the easier bits first.
- Practice writing entire drafts to the end, before editing. This requires practice. That’s ok.
- Maintain my CBT journal more regularly.
I think practice is important – and baby steps. I was struggling with writing (and to a degree, with reading), much more before my first L.E.C contact period. I’d like to keep the flow going. I need to practice writing entire pieces without constantly editing them (simultaneously). I need to practice sitting with my discomfort, acknowledging them, writing through them.
I should also probably look up self-care tips (I feel like the ones listed above might be a few. Not sure).
Does anyone have any related self-care tips? Either for writing-through writing struggles, writing through emotional discomfort (for lack of a better word), or even writing with ADD?
Also, I stumbled across a really great article on writing with ADD. The author, Shawn Patrick Doyle, uses a wonderfully hilarious analogy (one of many) to describe the relationship between writing and ADD/ADHD. He says,
“if you invited them both to a cocktail party, they’d stand on opposite sides of the room and the tension in the room would still be unbearable.”
SO BLOODY TRUE!
I’m adding a link to the article – read it, it’s awesome.
PS. Dear unnamed friend and fellow blogger – you know who you are – thanks for the nickname. It’s cute 🙂